I Am In Love with Myself - Chapter 176
Jian Yixi dialed Xiao Wu’s phone and was able to see Xu Qinglan, but he couldn’t speak, and he didn’t even really see her.
Xu Qinglan stayed in the intensive care unit. Jian Yixi could not go in, so she could only look at her from the window.
Xu Qinglan sat on the side of the hospital bed with her back on her back. She couldn’t see her expression. She could only see that her back was always straighter and straighter. It seemed that if she loosened up, she would collapse into an army, and she looked like a wooden stake.
Jian Yixi sighed and had to ask about Xiao Wu’s condition before going home with An Mu first.
Gu Shuofeng’s condition is very bad, the high fever does not go away, and the coma is unconscious. The doctor said that if he can’t survive it, he will die. If he survives, he will be a vegetable.
This situation was something An Mu and Jian Yixi had never expected. Gu Shuofeng didn’t look like a simple character, so how could he easily jump off the building?
Xu Qinglan is not the kind of irrational person, so how could she have forced her to jump off the building?
The more An Mu thought about it, the more it felt strange. Suddenly she remembered that she had ran into the biology department several times in school before, and had specifically inquired about Gu Shuofeng, and wanted to ask her about rebirth, such as…what will happen to them after they die? Will the soul become one? Or will one person be wiped out in ashes?
But she hadn’t had this person for a long time, but Xu Qinglan was known to many people and said that she had donated a building to the school, but when she asked which one she had donated, she couldn’t tell.
An Mu specifically checked the information. It is available online and in schools. There are people everywhere saying that Xu Qinglan donated buildings to his alma mater, and even the instructors said so. But in fact, the school does not have such a building called “Shanyuyuyu”. Teaching building.
An Mucha came and checked, and she found a building with the same name, and the students were grateful for the donation from her alma mater. She even went to the school, but she didn’t find the donor. Such an important thing is supposed to be carried. How come there is no school history?
An Mu stood downstairs, looking up at the vigorous plaque.
The second half of the sentence that the rain is about to come is… the wind is full of the building, the mountain… the wind… isn’t it just the word “lan”?
An Mu vaguely felt that this matter was strange, and deliberately checked it out. Tsinghua did not have Gu Shuofeng as a student, but this school did, but the photos on the school’s graduation book did not look like Gu Shuofeng at all. It can be said that they were two people at all.
The clue was broken when the matter was found here, as if someone deliberately erased the traces, An Mu didn’t know what he wanted to find out, but instinct was very important.
An Mu found out that Jian Yixi didn’t know these things. While she was busy preparing for the wedding, she did not visit Xu Qinglan often.
I don’t know how many times to go, Jian Yixi finally talked to her.
It is said that it is said, but there is nothing to say in reality. No amount of comfort is just empty talk. Gu Shuofeng has become a vegetative person, and no one can say when he will wake up.
“There is hope in life, I believe she will wake up.”
This is the only word that Jian Yixi can comfort.
For Xu Qinglan, it was enough.
“I think so.”
Xu Qinglan’s voice was still faint. She didn’t have her hair curled up, and her long, smooth hair was tied behind her head at will. A few strands of hair scattered on the side of her face. She didn’t want to take care of them either. She let them spread out, and her slender waist was closed. Entering the suit pants, she looked more than a circle thinner than when she first saw her in the hospital.
Jian Yixi couldn’t help saying: “You have to pay attention to your body, too. Who will guard her after you fall?”
“What about you?” Xu Qinglan asked back, “Why could you not eat and sleep and lose weight in the first place?”
Xu Qinglan had a small cinnabar mole at the end of her eye, and she did not know whether it was the corridor lamp or what it was, and the red light faintly fainted.
Jian Yixi opened her eyes slightly and looked carefully, but the light was gone again.
She must be dazzled.
“I understand what you mean. It’s not that you don’t want to pay attention to your body, you can’t control it, but no matter what, at least the meal is for eating. No matter how uncomfortable I was at the beginning, I would force myself to eat. It’s over.”
Xu Qinglan lowered her eyes and supported her forehead wearily.
“I… feel like a failure.”
“How come? If you don’t say anything else, you can’t say that you have succeeded in your career and you can’t say failure.”
Xu Qinglan shook her head slowly.
“Career is not the criterion for success. It should be said that I was completely defeated. I only had work left. I didn’t know what else to do except work. I finally met her and gave me a little hope in life. I thought I can finally live a decent life, and as a result…”
Xu Qinglan’s voice was a little choked, she held her forehead and closed her eyes, her fingers trembled, desperately holding back.
Jian Yixi raised his eyes and glanced at the intensive care unit, then turned back to Xu Qinglan’s body, and sighed silently.
“It’s not too late. Stay with her. As long as she breathes, there is hope for everything.”
Xu Qinglan held her forehead to stabilize her emotions for a long time before she raised her head again, the redness at the end of her eyes and the little scarlet mole were contrasting with each other, bleak and different.
“Happiness is really too fragile, and it will break if you are not careful. If you give me another chance, no matter what happens, I will hold her carefully, and will not let her slip away anyway.”
Ever since I saw Xu Qinglan, An Mu has noticed that something is wrong with Jian Yixi. He clearly stays at the side of the pot and can also make the pot overflow the flames. He has already cleaned the bowl, but he took it out of the cupboard and brushed it again. Once again, wiping the table is more like a tireless perpetual motion machine, repeating the same action repeatedly, and the varnish on the table has to be wiped off by her.
Every time I ask Jian Yixi what happened, Jian Yixi will be slow for a few seconds before reacting, smiling and shaking his head: “I’m fine.”
“Really, it’s almost the wedding at best, a little nervous.”
Although she didn’t believe in Jian Yixi’s words, she refused to say that An Mu had no choice but to relax her emotions as much as possible.
An ordinary morning, ordinary blue sky, ordinary sunshine, ordinary breeze slowly blowing across the church’s bronze bells, in the hustle and bustle of France, the wedding arrived as scheduled, An Mu and Jian Yixi put on the wedding dress designed for them by Chen Han himself. , I asked the makeup artist to do the makeup for them early, went to the church in advance, and sat in the lounge waiting.
Outside the window, the flying white doves buzzed and whistled, the tall sycamore trees obscured the sky, the light and shadow under the trees were mottled, and the rustle of the wind over the treetops could almost be heard quietly.
It was obviously a quiet and peaceful atmosphere, but An Mu couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. Fortunately, there was a noisy fur to ease the atmosphere.
For two lifetimes, An Mu didn’t think about what her wedding would be like, but no matter how she imagined it, she never thought that her significant other was also a girl in a wedding dress.
An Mu turned to look at Jian Yixi. Jian Yixi was talking to Maomao, with a smile on her face and a cosmetic bag in her hand.
Maomao smiled and said: “Don’t pick it up, you’ll have to break it if you pick this button again. Don’t be so nervous, you’re an old wife and old wife, just go through the scene, it’s all right~!
Jane Yixi looked down and smiled shyly, like a shy little daughter-in-law. She stopped picking her hands, and instead licked each other’s fingers in panic.
“I’m not nervous.”
“Well, well, you are not nervous~ you are about to run to the hall of happiness, you are excited, okay?”
Jian Yixi froze suddenly, her face quickly whitening visible to the naked eye.
Maomao can see it so carelessly.
Jian Yixi shook her head slightly, “It’s okay, maybe it’s too nervous.”
You said you weren’t nervous just now, but it became like this in an instant?
Don’t say An Mu doesn’t believe it, Mao Mao doesn’t believe it.
“Couldn’t it be hypoglycemia for you? It’s caused by inadequacy? Whether it is or not, I will find you two pieces of sugar for one top.”
Maomao got up and went out looking for sugar, An Mu walked over and sat opposite Jian Yixi with her skirt.
“What happened to you?”
“I…” Jian Yixi glanced at her and turned away unnaturally, “Nothing.”
“Don’t dare to look at me anymore, and you said nothing?”
Jian Yixi clenched his hand, and under the white hollow glove, the hand was almost bloodless.
“It’s nothing, I’m just a little nervous. After all, it’s the first time I got married.”
“That’s right, maybe it will be better when we finish the second time in the future.”
She refused to say, and An Mu was not too reluctant to make a joke to ease the atmosphere, but didn’t want to, Jian Yixi suddenly raised the volume, almost sharply argued.
“Impossible! I only get married this time! There is absolutely no possibility for a second time!”
Jane Yixi clenched his fists and leaned forward. After shouting, she realized that she had overreacted. She quickly loosened her figure and leaned back, bewildered and said, “I, I mean…”
“I’m just kidding, don’t be so nervous.”
Jian Yixi didn’t relax because of An Mu’s words, but was still tight, not daring to look at her with her eyes down.
The little aunt knocked on the door and came in and said with a smile: “Let’s go, it’s time for the brides to come in.”
After all, it was herself. An Mu saw Jian Yixi’s panic. Yes, it was not nervous, it was panic. Jian Yixi definitely had something to hide from her. She probably didn’t want to say it, but she didn’t dare to say it.
An Mu took her hand, just as the gentle spring breeze turned rain.
“This is the only wedding in our life. No matter what you are worried about, believe me, all problems are not problems. We will definitely be happy.”
Jian Yixi’s eyes fell visibly, and the hand holding An Mu’s palm was cold as if it was not warm. An Mujing waited for a moment without seeing her reply, and led her to stand up.
“Is there anything to talk about until the wedding is over.”
The little aunt had retired wittily when they were talking, the original wooden door was closed tightly, An Mu took Jian Yixi over, and reached for the handle. Just after opening a seam, Jian Yixi pulled her back. .
“I… I have something to say.”
The little aunt waited a little anxiously at the door, knocked on the door panel and said: “Hurry up, brides, the priest is ready, you are the only thing left.”
An Mu looked back at Jian Yixi, as if he hadn’t heard the urging from her little aunt, her eyes were clear and gentle.
Jane Yixi lowered her eyes and dared not look at her.
“I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Then wait until the wedding is over and speak slowly.”
“But I can’t wait.”
“Then say, I’m listening.”
Jian Yixi suddenly seemed to have lost all strength, and squatted down as if soft. The white wedding dress spread out like the blooming flowers in a fairy tale. The white gypsophila pistils in the braids and the yellow stamens, timidly like a baby bird facing the wind. Hurriedly.
An Mu still held Jian Yixi’s hand. The dangling arm was Jian Yixi’s last bit of courage. Jian Yixi desperately held her, as if afraid that she would suddenly drop her, picking her nails. Entering her palm, she frowned slightly with pain, but did not stop it.
An Mu waited patiently, even if the little aunt knocked on the door several times, she ignored it, and even when she tried to push the door in again, she stepped back and stuck to the door panel.
“I… I calculated you, I’m sorry.” Jian Yixi finally said, “But I didn’t deliberately calculate you, I just let the flow go, and I can’t say let it go, but… just… I don’t know how to express it, I am…I…”
Jian Yixi’s word order is very chaotic, and her usual concise and concise logic has become a mess. She speaks every sentence and every sentence. When it is fast, it is extremely fast, but when it is too fast, she can’t hold back for a long time Out a word.
An Mu listened, pieced together, relying on the advantage of her own innate understanding, finally pieced together what Jian Yixi wanted to express.
It turned out that as early as the day Gu Shuofeng told Jian Yixi the truth, Jian Yixi had already begun to plan all future plans.
She knew An Mu far more than An Mu had imagined. She knew that An Mu couldn’t easily fall in love with herself, and the only way was to retreat as advance and break.
So she designed a fake marriage. After An Mu experienced disbelief→belief→compromise, she deliberately rejected An Mu, deliberately walked away, and deliberately left An Mu so many misunderstandings.
Beijing is so big, they also have close mutual friends like Maomao and their second brother, especially her company is close to An Mu’s house. She believes that An Mu will see her again one day, and one day she will. Discover the truth.
Even if she did not discover the truth and saw that she was dying of illness, she believed that An Mu would definitely not bear the heart, would blame herself for the misunderstanding of her at the beginning, and even feel sorry for herself. In many cases, the beginning of love is guilt and pity.
How many people can truly refuse a woman who is weak and pitiful, who loves herself to death and whose appearance is not low?
Jian Yixi has also considered the issue of sexual orientation. If An Mu is a completely heterosexual, then it will be useless for her to do more. But is An Mu? Obviously not. After all, she has the biggest golden finger. She is An Mu herself. She knows An Mu better than anyone. If she can fall in love with the same sex, An Mu must be able to.
An Mu really blamed herself and offered to stay with her, but she felt that it was not enough. She felt that An Mu had not really fallen in love with herself. Since she decided to be with An Mu, she must clear all obstacles that hindered them. , Even if this obstacle is An Mu himself.
She wants An Mu to truly fall in love with her, because love is the foundation of happiness and the foundation of everlasting life.
She deliberately asked Wang Yanqing to hold the **** blossoms, and deliberately said something that made her cousin misunderstood. According to her cousin’s temper, she expected her cousin to be so ridiculous.
[The people in the city are so romantic? What’s not good to send, send **** flowers? Or is it a woman’s gift to a man? Who did you two chase after? 】
As long as people have exclusive inferiority, even if it is something that is not originally rare, once a competitor appears, it is good, it is not rare and it becomes rare, and if you don’t like it, you will eventually like it.
An Mu was jealous. She kept poking her that night. She understood in her heart, but she was also terrified. She didn’t know if she was really jealous and started to like her? Or is An Mu tired of such a life, everything is just her wishful thinking?
She chose to leave, hiding in the place closest to An Mu but also the farthest, keeping the unfinished ginkgo covenant. One day can be seen as a day, one year can be seen as a year, if An Mu finds her, even if not. Love her, she will never leave again, but if An Mu can’t find her, she will die, at least the people she cares about are still alive.
She counted An Mu, counted the person she didn’t want to count least in the world, and used her fate to make a bet.
She pretends to be weak and well-behaved, pretending to be virtuous and virtuous. During the five years when An Mu was absent, she experienced cruel social baptism, encountered unspoken rules, and was humiliated by customers splashing wine in public. She even ran half of her orders for an order. Hua Xia, begged grandpa to tell grandma to say everything well, and even gave up his dignity for a while and became a hypocritical person who didn’t even like him.
She doesn’t care about all of this, she just wants to grow, and she wants to be strong enough for An Mu to rely on.
Even if this wish is out of reach, even if she is given another five years, she may not be able to realize it, she still can only rush forward.
She loves An Mu, and she must be strong enough to love.
No one has ever made her want so much.
She was already lucky. She had a senior sister and a second brother to rely on. If she wanted to unspoken rules for her, the second brother drove him out of Beijing and humiliated her. The senior sister caused him to lose hundreds of millions.
She is so lucky, how can she not work harder?
She worked so hard to become stronger and wanted to be An Mu’s support, but in the end, she calculated the person who should and least wanted to calculate.
She was contradictory, self-blaming, and painful. Every step she took was hesitant and trembling with self-loathing. She couldn’t describe that feeling, and she couldn’t explain it clearly.
However, An Mu understood that in this world, probably only she could understand.
I want to get it, so I calculate, because love is reluctant to calculate, in the pain of calculating or not, Jian Yixi chose to go to the extreme, using self-harm to weaken the overwhelming guilt.
Stomach pain is not torture for her, any external injury is not worth mentioning to her, the harder the pain, the more peaceful her heart, at least she can comfort herself, she hurts, An Mu does not hurt If she is dead, An Mu won’t die.
She has been calculating An Mu, but she has also been giving up calculating. Every step she starts with calculations and ends with abandonment, and then re-calculates at the moment An Mu gave her hope, again in self-blame and despair. give up.
She never thought that happiness would really come, even if An Mu could never say the three words “I love you”, it was enough for her to wake up in a happy dream.
She is so happy. Every day of happiness seems to be floating. Mom and Dad agreed to them to be together. Mom and Dad and An agreed to be together. Even they are going to get married. She feels happy as if they are together. dream.
Is it really just a dream?
Jian Yixi can’t distinguish between dreams and reality again. She instinctively wants to drink to avoid panic and anxiety, just as she would drink to escape every time she met an unhappy person during the five years when An Mu was absent.
But she held it back. An Mu was by her side every day. She didn’t have a chance to drink secretly. One aspect was that An Mu was already lying in her arms so truthfully, why did she even let herself fall into the fear of nothingness?
However, the uneasy budding remained in her heart until Xu Qinglan pierced it.
[Happiness is really too fragile, it will break if you are not careful. 】
“I didn’t want to say it, I want to keep it for a lifetime, but I’m afraid… I’m really scared, I’m afraid that everything will suddenly fall apart like Xu Qinglan.”
Jian Yixi sits softly on the ground, looking up at her, her small face is as pale as paper, and the white veil floats behind her. The sunlight is mottled on her body through the stained glass painted with patterns, coating her with a touch of warmth. Light, pure white wedding dress, dreamlike beauty, poor red eye sockets, and even the tip of the eyelashes trembling, An Mu’s heart suddenly softened to a mess, as if the whole chest was filled in an instant.
An Mu knelt down on one knee and stared at her, her amber eyes were shining like jewels against the sunlight.
“Then you are not afraid of breaking it when you say it?”
“What answer do you want me to give you?”
Jane Yixi’s lips moved, and her pale paper face instantly faded, even her lips were no longer bloody.
She suddenly sat upright, and her other hand was suddenly wrapped around the hand An Mu was holding her.
“I’m not calculating this time, really not calculating! You believe me! I didn’t mean to say it at this time, deliberately let you pity me, I really didn’t mean that, I…”
The little aunt finally couldn’t help but pushed the door.
“The priest’s time is very precious. When are you going to linger…Oh my God, why is your face so bad? What’s wrong with your child?”
“She may have low blood sugar.”
Maomao also squeezed in, and he stuffed a piece of candy into Jian Yixi’s mouth.
The little aunt bent down and looked at Jian Yixi worriedly, “Can you do it? If it doesn’t, just tell the priest, the wedding is adjourned, and see the doctor first.”
Jian Yixi looked at An Mu with a pale face, her cheeks puffed up with fluffy candy in her mouth.
An Mu said blankly: “The guests are here, so I have to give them a comment. Let’s go, Jian Yixi, and come with me.”
An Mu grabbed Jian Yixi, without looking at her ashen face, went straight to the lobby, and Maomao ran over to help them cover the veil.
In a normal wedding, the bridegroom should go to the court first, and then the bride will take the father to the court, and the father will hand it over to the groom. However, both of them are brides. It is normal to change to two together.
The guests didn’t see anything wrong, they all looked at the two with blessings, and An Mu pulled Jian Yixi to the priest.
The priest has presided over hundreds of weddings, and there are people of the same **** and opposite sex, so it is natural to get into the topic.
After the opening remarks, the priest asked the key question.
“Ms. An Mu, are you willing to accept Ms. Meng Xi as your legal wife?”
An Mu raised her eyes slightly to look at Jian Yixi. She is obviously taller than her, so why is she still like a child?
She stared at Jian Yixi’s uneasy eyes, and the three words “I do” rolled to her lips and turned into: “There is a proverb in China, Jiang Taigong fishes-the one who wishes is taken the bait, Jiang Taigong’s hook has always been Straight, what can be caught is voluntary.”
Jian Yixi opened her eyes slightly, and tears were quickly gathered in her red eye sockets. She couldn’t hold back her desperately, and the tears ran down her cheeks and across her cheeks, taking away all her anxiety and fear.
The wedding is suitable for lively. The second brother whistled in the guest table, Maomao laughed and booed, and many people yelled for An Mu to kiss him.
The priest was at a loss. He could not understand Chinese, so he could only gently remind her to speak French, otherwise he could not get married.
An Mu took a deep breath and replied intently and solemnly: “Oui, jeleveux.”
The priest nodded in satisfaction and asked, “Ms. Meng Xi, are you willing to accept Ms. An Mu as your legal wife?”
Jian Yixi seemed to slow down for a while. The priest asked again and didn’t respond. When asked the second time, she suddenly rushed over and hugged An Mu, clasped the back of her head and kissed, the audience was full of joy, the priest said Those who have seen strong winds and waves are quite calm, but the French reminds them to preside over the ceremony before kissing.
However, Jian Yixi couldn’t hear it at all, or she didn’t understand it. Although she had taught French by herself, she was only self-study after all. She didn’t understand this kind of local accent.
Jian Yixi kissed attentively and passionately, completely ignoring everything around her, her heart suddenly fell to the ground, she really couldn’t control herself, always felt that no kiss was enough, and she wished to swallow An Mu into her belly and stay together forever.
In the end, An Mu bit Jian Yixi, and Jian Yixi regained her sanity, with a mouthful of sweet gorillas as well as a quail.
“No, I speak French.” An Mu said.
Jane follows the stream of goodness: “Yes, Ido.”
Maomao laughed at the bottom with a stomachache, “Is this a silly pro? Can’t figure out French and English?”
Jian Yixi coughed unnaturally, she did not dare to say that she had forgotten the French “I do”.
An Mu reluctantly shook his head, pressed his slightly red and swollen lips, and whispered: “Oui, jeleveux.”
Jane Yixi looked down and carefully helped her to cover her veil.
With a soft sentence, carrying a thousand words, An Mu hadn’t realized why she tugged her veil and covered her, the priest over there had already let the ring be exchanged.
After wearing the ring, the priest declared that the two were legal partners, and said that the bride could kiss the bride before An Mu understood.
Jane Yixi changed her previous rudeness, solemnly and sacredly lifted her white gauze, and kissed her lips tenderly.
“I love you An Mu, I love you.”
An Mu was moved and wanted to say those three words along the way, but in the end he didn’t say it.
At this time, I was afraid that Jian Yixi would only treat her as the atmosphere, and would not believe it.
Still… wait a minute.
After a busy day, I finally washed it and could take a good rest. An Mu thought that Jian Yixi would be eager to come over, but she didn’t expect that she would actually be lying on the balcony looking at Paris in the night, counting the stars two by one.
“Can you count?”
Jian Yixi turned her eyes to look, the neon flickering in the distance, the crescent moon hanging above her head, the night breeze disturbed her damp long hair, the warm white light of the house light outlined her delicate lines, unknowingly, She seems to have grown enough for her to rely on.
Seeing her, the dark pupils that were originally gloomy instantly burst into bright stars.
“Of course I can’t count the stars in the sky, but I can count the stars on the ground.”
“on the ground?”
An Mu lay on the handrail, looking at the lights of Wanjia, and said with a smile: “You can count the liquidation you are great.”
“How can that count as stars? Those are all artificial lights.”
“Then what are stars?”
Jane Yixi picked up a strand of An Mu’s flying hair and kissed softly with her eyes down.
Bright red lips, slender long eyelashes, and honey-tanned hair are like inextricably threaded threads of love, which travels between her fingers as precious and important.
“You are the star I chased all my life, although I can’t reach it, I long for it.”
The author has something to say: An Mu and Jian Yixi’s extravaganza ends here…
There will be a little bit of Chen Han’s, and a little bit of An Mu Jian Yixi’s follow-up
Anyway, it’s just a little bit, maybe a few hundred words. Anyway, I’ll write it now, I’ll update it when I finish writing it, and I’ll mark it up when I finish it.